My Dad

In the month of November I was inspired by Facebook to write a list of things I was thankful for each day.  I decided to expand that list to 100 things I was thankful for, and I was going to share that with you.  As I was preparing the list of things I was thankful for I got some bad news from my dad.  My dad come down with a rare form of cancer, they found the cancer by accident in his face.  He told me that they wanted to start an intensive treatment of Chemotherapy right away.  This he told me as I had just wished him a happy birthday.  Tears began to fall down my face and a huge lump clogged my throat.  It took all I had not to start sobbing.  The list of my thankfulness was immediately put on hold.

When you get news from a loved one that they have some terrible disease that could possibly kill them you are flooded with a ton of thoughts, regrets, and memories.  The one thought and regret that kept coming to my mind was my wedding reception.  During the reception, I was supposed to dance with my father to the song "My Girl".  When the song came on my dad and I talked and I told him I was tired and wasn't really feeling well.  He told me we didn't have to do the dance and we left it at that.  What made me feel even worse was when my sister-in-law pulled me off of my chair and coaxed me to dance with her and her cousins.  I gave in and danced but have felt rotten about it ever since.  That dance was meant for me and my dad.  I will never get that chance again, and I will probably never get that dance with my dad.

My dad has had his chemotherapy treatments.  He was in the hospital for all of December.  He has been home for a few weeks now and is so happy to be home.  He is weak and unable to do much.  He isn't recovering like the doctors had hoped.  When he left the hospital he seemed to be clear of cancer, but when he went back for a check up, his chemo doctor told him that he would probably never be able to have chemotherapy again because it would most likely kill him.  He didn't even check for cancer because he told him that if they found anything that there would be nothing he could do, that chemotherapy was no longer an option for him.

So far things are looking positive, but the last bit of news is concerning.  I hope that my dad has beaten the cancer.  I hope that it is over.  Right now he is in the stage of recovery and over the next 6 months he will be recovering and monitored for any signs of cancer.  He is not able to return to work or to be around a lot of people.  I am glad that he is able to be home where he is comfortable, the hospital tried to encourage my mom and sister to send him to a care home, but my dad wanted nothing more than to go home to recover.  I'm thankful that my sister is able to look after and care for my dad during this time; he is so happy that she is and is so proud of her.  

I'm thankful for all the prayers that were said for my father and for the prayers that are still being said in his behalf.  I'm thankful for all of the visitors that have come to see my dad, they bring him so much hope and cheer.  I'm thankful that I was able to see my dad over the Christmas break and that in that time he seemed to improve each time that I went and saw him.  

I hope that the next 6 months brings a speedy recovery and a positive outcome. 

My Goals

My want for a well scheduled blog might be a bit premature; I am about to go into labor any day now.  I think that if I tried to make out a schedule of days I will be posting to my blog I will only be setting myself up to fail, and making anyone who reads my blogs frustrated from broken promises.

I am sick as of this weekend; I hope it is just a common cold, but I’m not sure.  It will sure make for a difficult labor if I am still sick when it’s time; this I am not excited about. I am however excited to meet my baby, to no longer have heartburn, to be able to perform everyday tasks without difficulty, and to get down on the floor again and play with my little boy.

I think that when this whole pregnancy thing is over and I get the hang of being a mother of two, I will be able to start blogging regularly. 

My goals for this blog are to try to incorporate more of my writings and some of my personal experiences and thoughts. I have a family blog and it is only committed to writing about the family, so for me this will be like a journal/writing blog.  I hope to include poetry, short stories, fiction, and nonfiction writing.  I hope as well to include some interesting thoughts and experiences that I wouldn’t write for my family blog.

My Blog is Scheduled to be Revamped

So I've decided that I'm going to revamp this blog a bit. I haven't really blogged here in a while because I have been busy with being a new mom and getting ready for baby number two. I also have been trying to adjust to a new town that I'm really trying to like, but it hasn't really been that easy. I do miss Portland. I miss the rain, the people, my family, my friends, the trees, the green. I have met some really nice people and hope that some good friendships will grow. Who knows, in 4 years I might love it here...but I really doubt that, I might grow to like it. We'll see.

Update: More Blogs to Come

For those of you who follow my blog or have just found my blog you will notice that it hasn't been getting updated very often. This is due to my new busy life that I am trying to adapt to and am finally beginning to master. I will begin posting a blog here at least once a week. I don't want to commit to more than once a week right now as I am very busy with my new family; my little one keeps me pretty busy.

What is my blog about?

This is my personal blog where I will be creative, let my thoughts run free, and blog whatever I feel like blogging on any given day. I do have a family blog if you would like to follow that. You can follow that blog at ckjohnsonfamily.blogspot.com.

"How Has Your Pregnancy Been?"

People have been asking me how my pregnancy has been, and I really downplay it when I answer. They ask me how I'm feeling, and I say fine, but you know that is just the quick and pleasant answer. Who wants to listen to your list of ailments?

Well for those of you who really want to know how it has been...here goes:

My first, second, and beginning of the third trimester was literally miserable. I thought, "how the heck do pregnant people get anything done? How do they work? How do they clean? How do they move?". Why? Because I was noxious all day every day for that whole amount of time, and when my gag reflex was set off it didn't stop for an hour or more. I love how they show in the movies the cute little pregnant woman who wakes up in the morning, grabs her stomach, pukes and then it is all over. Who named morning sickness? Seriously? Because it does not go away after you relieve yourself once. It doesn't go away; it is there all day. I was even waking up from a deep sleep and running to the bathroom at night. The thought of food, the smell of food or other things, they would set me off. If I wasn't craving something I couldn't eat, because everything would send me running to the bathroom. I lost a lot of weight. They even had to put me on nausea pills for cancer patients so that I could manage to get a meal into the day. How did I finally get it to stop? I went to acupuncture, and after 2 visits my nausea started to subside and go away. I am truly a fan of acupuncture, and I even hope to use it during labor. The other thing that was miserable about the first 7 months of pregnancy was the lack of the ability to move without feeling excruciating pain. No fun, I would be so dehydrated because of my nausea that it would literally reveal itself physically. I could barely move.

Now that I'm in my third trimester and in my ninth month, let me tell you how I'm feeling. :D

Well, the nausea is gone, but my appetite is still being curbed by the most painful and strong heartburn I've ever had in my life; water can give me heartburn. I'm so afraid of it becoming stronger that I've really limited myself to certain foods. I've been eating a lot more dairy than normal; I've cut out any fast food, meat, some carbs (esp. pizza, etc), and even some vegetables (like broccoli) and fruit. I've also developed pregnancy carpal tunnel; my wrists feel broken most days. I took for granted brushing my hair and my teeth, dressing myself without wincing, turning a doorknob, buckling my seatbelt, locking a door, waving my hand, holding myself up with my hand in bed, etc. Those all seem so small and simple, but now they are excruciatingly painful. Another thing I’ve been dealing with is sensitivity in my teeth. My teeth get set off by something, I don’t know, a cold breeze, air, food, water, whatever, but when they get set off I am in pain all day. I try sensitive toothpaste, oral numbing gel, and my last resort is children’s Tylenol (the only medication I’m really aloud to take during my pregnancy). The good news is that this isn’t a daily problem, it happens 2 to 3 times a week; I just wish I could say that for my carpal tunnel and my heartburn.

The last three things that are appropriate to tell you about are the difficulty in breathing, the difficulty in sleeping/laying, and once again the difficulty in moving. When I was young I always said I was going to be one of those women who work out every day while they were pregnant. Well, it has been easier said than done. The problem has been my inability to move without pain, it makes it very difficult to stay motivated. It is very difficult to walk or even to sit down and then try to get back up again (that kills my knees); I think it is because all my joints are swollen making me painfully aware of every movement. Laying down is funny because I can’t lay on my back or I have to constantly pee, I can’t lay on my tummy because there is a basketball there, and I can’t lay on either side for too long before my hips begin to burn with pain. I have made a nest of pillows in my bed that surround me so that I can find a lasting comfortable position; which lasts for an hour or two if I’m lucky. Breathing; I took that for granted too. I have been gasping for air because my lungs are being compressed by the weight of the baby. So if I lean or recline back or lay wrong or even sit wrong, I begin to gasp for air. I’ve learned that putting my arms up in the air help open up the airway a little so that I can actually catch my breath.

What hasn’t been miserable about pregnancy? Feeling baby move and kick. Every time he moves, I suddenly forget about all the pain and suffering I’ve gone through. I begin to picture my future with him and Chris and none of the things I have mentioned matter anymore. They will soon be gone and I will soon have a new life in my hands. I can’t wait.

Things that have been making my pregnancy a little easier have been acupuncture, swimming, yoga, belly dancing, and the support from my loved ones. Thanks for all the support and love being sent my way.

Irrational Fears

Have you ever been in the back seat of a car and all these thoughts of a million and one ways you'll get in a car accident begin to flow through your mind? I hate that. I have been having that happen to me alot lately, and I'm not exactly worried about me, but I'm worried about my baby, I'm worried about my friends, my husband, my brothers and sisters, I'm worried about everyone I care for.

I guess that is part of being pregnant, right? Every time someone gets in a car lately I wonder in the back of my mind if it's the last time I'll see that someone I love. A movie plays out in my mind and I mourn their death before they even get in the car.

Last night I drove in the back seat of a truck, with a safe qualified driver, but all I could think about was what if we all die? Or what if one of these people that I love die? I wanted to grab ahold of everyone and savor them. I had to put my hand on Chris's back and hold on to him for the rest of the drive because I kept having images of him dying and I didn't want to lose him. I thought if I held on to him he would be okay.

I have decided that no one is allowed to die anymore...yea, I know, that wont work. But I just want all my family and friends to know how much I love and care for them. Even when sometimes you haven't heard from me in a while, it doesn't mean I don't think about and still love and care about you. I love you all so much!!!

I wish you all a long, healthy, and happy life, and please...Drive Safe!!!!

Just Smile

Not everything in life is fun and you may have had a real crappy day, week, or even year.  Well, I know that you have to keep working to stay positive.  I got layed off on Friday from my job, I graduated from college a year ago and still haven't been able to find decent, steady, well paying work.  I haven't bought myself new clothes in...I can't remember...a year...2...3...I'm not sure.  I've had to be really frugal, I've had to make sacrifices, I have holes in all my clothes, lol.  Yes, sometimes that gets me down, but I'm ok.  I'm alive, I'm healthy, and I know that I will make it through this rough patch.  I have dreams and goals that inspire me and keep me going.  I know that it will all work out in the end.

Some of the things that I do to keep myself from breaking down and giving up are:

1. writing in a journal
2. creating small achievable goals
3. walking for sanity, to clear my mind
4. drinking 16 oz of water before each meal
5. surrounding myself with humor and cute stuff (aka fuzzy stuff that makes you go awwww)
6. surrounding myself with people I love (family/friends)

Well here are some things that I found today that made me smile:

Loris liebt Kitzeln
by ChillClub

Bulldog Kisses Orangutan

U-ZOO | MySpace Video

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Flip Flop

This summer has been a wierd one. I had planned on it being more leisurely and fun, but it has been busy and stressful. I was on a very wonky schedule as well, went to bed at 6 A.M., woke up about 1 or 2 P.M. To be honest, I hated it, but couldn't get to sleep at night right away when I would come home late from work, so my sleep schedule just got all screwed up. Well, I decided I hated that, so I changed it.

Chris and I decided to stay up all Saturday night last weekend and stay awake until Sunday night. We are now on a 9ish P.M. to 6 A.M. Schedule and I love it. I love waking up early. It wasn't easy at first. I was so tired this week, but I knew if I stuck with it I would soon be wide awake come 6 A.M. I've noticed a change in my attitude as well. I feel happier, more positive, and I am more motivated.

Another thing that I did to make a change that I didn't like was to put myself on a cleansing diet. I had been feeling sick alot and kept getting heartburn and indigestion. So I researched until I found a cleansing diet that seemed sound, and only lasted for 3 days. I ended it last night and I can honestly say that I felt it work. I immediately felt my heartburn leave, after only 1 day I could feel my digestive system working again, I no longer had a lump in my stomach. Here is the diet if you want to take a look: http://www.guideforbetterhealth.com/bodydetox/detoxdiets/3-day-detox-diet-plan.html.

The last two things that I did to make a change was to recommit to taking care of my body and my mind. The first thing is that I have been belly dancing every morning as soon as I wake up, followed by meditation. The second thing is writing in my journal every night before I go to sleep. It is helping me sleep better at night. My dreams are getting better too. They are no longer stressful dreams, they are just good dreams.

"I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life. It's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference, gonna make it right...I'm starting with the man in the mirror, I'm asking if he'll make a change...If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change." Micheal Jackson

A Big Scare

What are your worst fears?

There have been questionnaires that have been sent around friends and family on Facebook, MySpace, and even by email, and one of the questions always seems to be: What is your worst fear?

In almost every questionnaire result, the answer had been the loss of a loved one, or to have a love one hurt. Well, yesterday, May 2nd I woke up to a frightening phone call. My mother was in the hospital.

Why was she there? Good question, I wish there was a better answer. Doctors were baffled by the large and sudden spike in her blood pressure. She woke up that morning and was feeling very dizzy and very ill. A normal reaction, if you know my mom, would have been to go and lie down and rest it off, but she was feeling so terrible and so dizzy that she decided it was necessary to seek medical attention. When her doctor checked her out he declared that she needed to go to the hospital immediately.

I was informed later on, as I had been catching up on some sleep due to studying for midterms. I neglected to answer the phone when it had rung and so when the message finally reached me I felt so guilty and awful for sleeping through them. I was informed that mom wasn’t able to come home from the hospital until the doctors could get her unusually high blood pressure to come down, they said that she was at risk for either a heart attack or a stroke.

Well, forget about being able to focus on homework after being told that your mom is in the hospital and might have a heart attack or stroke. I tried to remain calm, but I couldn’t get the thought of my mom out of my head.

Chris and I decided to join Bryan for a movie, so we headed out got in the car and found one of our tires to be completely flat. Well, that ended my plans for going to mom’s house for the night, I was stuck at home. We tried to go to Less Schwab before it closed, but it was 5:30 PM when we found the flat, and Less Schwab closes at 5PM on Saturdays. We decided to go to the local theatre instead and saw the new X-Men movie “X-Men Origins: Wolverine.” During the previews was a big long ad about mother’s day and boy did the tears well up in my eyes. I kept praying “Please let mom be okay” over and over. I had already called twice for updates before we left and no change had occurred.

The first thing I did when we got home from the movie was to call Tiffy. Thank heaven, when I called she said that mom’s blood pressure had finally come out of the danger zone and they were able to send her home. They did caution however that it was still very high and they gave her a monitor and some medication and told her to come back for a checkup in a week. I was so happy that she was doing better, as was everyone else.

I decided that that was to close a call. Mom is way too young. It is time for a lifestyle change. I intend to help mom, dad, myself, Chris, Bryan, Tiffy, and anyone else to start anew and begin a healthier lifestyle that will bring vitality, strength, and longevity to us all. I don’t want to experience another scare like I had yesterday. I want to nip it in the bud before it can happen, I want to prevent it instead of cure it. I want to be proactive with my health. I pray that we can all start and/or continue a healthy lifestyle and live a long, healthy, active life.

Crossroads

I once heard a talk at church that has always stayed with me. I can't remember who gave it, or exactly what the message was about, but I do remember it talking about life choices and the road in life and the direction you want to take is not always straight. He talked about comming to crossroads alot throughout life, and you will have many crossroads that will change the direction of your life depending on which road you choose to take.

He was right. I remember many crossroads growing up, whether it be the school I chose to go to, the job I chose to take, or the boy I chose to date.

I am yet again at another crossroad. I have just graduated school, and am back to work in the real world. It is a hard transition because I got use to my routine and I was a very good student and enjoyed every minute. Now I don't have a paper due by next Tuesday, a math test to study for, a final to study for, I just have one job and many many dreams. I just think I'm in shock. How odd though right, I miss homework, I miss classes, and I miss my proffessors. I loved them all, with a few exceptions.

Chris and I just had our 8 year anniversary and I'm still madly in love with him. We began dating in 2001, and we made it official that fall. We had such an awesome adventure the first summer being together. We moved to New Hampshire and lived in the town of Dunbarton for the first few months. Believe it or not, we built a tent and set it up in the woods and lived there while we both worked at a hotel. We would always go to work early to freshen up and go for a swim. It was so nice when we got our first apartment. We rented an apartment in Manchester, NH. The first thing we did when our realator left was fall to the floor and appreciate the comfortable carpeted floor. No dirt, No rocks, No Tree roots, No bugs. :)

That was a fun adventure but I grew so homesick for my family and friends, so a year later we packed it up and moved home. We ended up moving to Eugene, Oregon; what an awesome and beautiful city. We loved it. Our roommate however we did not love so much. The only good thing about living with her was that she gave me Tenshi my sweet, fluffy little kitty. We soon moved to the other end of town which didn't last very long because we needed something that costed less money, so we found a house in Springfield, OR.

Springfield. The only thing I can say about springfield is that thank goodness I don't live there anymore. I called the police at least once a month with people trying to break in my house and all sorts of crazy stuff. I hated that. The house itself I liked, and being close to Eugene was cool, but living in springfield was like living in a stinky, drug infested armpit.

I love the town I'm living in now, it is my favorite. I loved Eugene, but it was still to far away from my family and friends. Now I'm directly centered so that for almost all my friends and family it is only a 20 minute drive.

Life has had some twists and turns, I've been up and I've been down. I'm 30 years old and hoping to live for another 90 years. Who knows what crossroads I will come to then? Who I will become, where I will go, and where I will end up? Hopefully, it will be with the ones I love doing something I've always dreamed of.

Vote For Pedro

Don't you love those commercials that have absolutely nothing to do with what they are advertising? Yeah, well it grabs your attention though doesn't it...mmmhmmm.

So I've been extremely busy trying to find a job. I won't lie, it is hard out there. I had over four temp agencies, my school alumni job center, and the Employment Office helping me look. I was using all of the job search resources that I recently learned in my career and life planning class which I took this fall.

Well, the good news is that I finally found a job, thanks to an answer to the email I sent out to all my family and friends telling them of my need for a job. The bad news is that I'm late on all my bills and have lost my phone service. If you want to reach me, I am most easily contacted by email, or you could call my mom or brother and have them relay it to me so I can call you back.

I live with my brother Bryan now, and have since February. Chris and I are liking it alot. Dominique is so fun. One of my favorite things to do is read Dominique a story at bedtime, we are currently reading Inkheart by Cornelia Funke; Dominique loves it. She told me "I want to be more organized, and I want to be smarter." Well I think those are awesome goals and I'm excited that she is letting me help her reach them. I enjoy helping her with her school work and I'm excited to help her organize her room.

Please keep me in your prayers, I really need it right now.

An Apology to the Ones I Love

Isn't life suppose to be full of happiness with only brief moments of sadness? It seems just the opposite for me. Lately I go back and forth with how I feel inside. Sometimes I truly feel I've gone mad and I wonder who I can turn to for sanity and peace. Sometimes when I view the success of my loved ones, I am proud of them and their accomplishments, but then I find myself viewing myself as a failure at life.

Sally Owens (Practical Magic) says what I feel best:

"Sometimes I feel there is a hole inside of me. An emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean...

I have this dream of being whole, not going to sleep each night wanting...

I just want to be loved; I want to be seen."

I have never been one who looks back and says "I wonder what could have been", but lately I do find myself wondering, what if I had lived my life differently...made some different choices...what would my life be like today? Would I have been happier? Better off? More successful? I'll never know, cause I can't rewind time. I wont know what might have been.

I made a mistake, and my pride has kept me from saying this sooner. I apologize to my family for writing to them in a moment of anger. I am sorry for saying what I said. The love and respect I hold for you all is immeasurable. I expected words of anger back, but instead you showered me with love. I am so sorry. Please forgive me for what I said.

I have so many emotions running through me as of late, and sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out. Sometimes I feel so alone.

I wrote a poem not to long ago expressing how I was feeling in that moment, I believe in April, it is still untitled, but here it is:

Untitled

Blackness drips like rain.
A white pallet soaks it in.
Silver to the touch, the cold, shiny steel.
Tracing with a delicate finger, sliding smoothly near the blade.
A single tear hits the surface distorting the image reflecting back.

Cold to the touch the white porcelain face,
The blackest, fullest lashes seal the tear stained eyes.
Red lips that once held laughter now motionless, and content.
The blackness engulfs the picturesque maiden.

Dawn breaks with a breeze that carries the reddest of blossoms.
They dance in the wind, free of worry, full of life.
The songbird sings a still sweet sound, conducted by the tall thick cattails.

The willow tree that gives her cover soothes her cool still face.
Its lazy branches keep rhythm to the orchestra of the fields, brushing her pallid cheek.
There is a stillness in the air, which one does not oft notice.
A reverence held only by nature.

A single rose lay near the knife, red beauty kissed with dew,
The wind picks up just one last time,
Taking the pain, taking the hurt, taking the worry.
A smile is born up in the sky, in clouds, in air, in wind.

No more will the salt sting her soft warm face,
No longer the torment to keep her down,
Never again will the pain claim her heart.

She smiles down on the beauty of life,
She contemplates her freedom,
She sings along with the songbird's song,
Forever dancing to its rhythm.

Here is another Poem I wrote back in March:

Glass Doll

Loneliness fills my heart as your distant eyes brush my way,
An emptiness swims inside of me.
Your touch is cold and insincere,
Though you sit near, you've never been so far.
A tear falls down my cheek as I long for your warmth.
I am locked in a box and you hold the key,
I am a doll on display that never comes out to play.
Take me out and break me,
Bring me to life.
I long for you as I watch you leave,
I reach for you like a child to its gaurdian.
Once upon a time a strong budding love,
Is now wilting and weeps for revival.
You hold my heart in your hand,
As you walk from my sight.
My breath is fading,
My sight is lost.
Emptiness.
Loneliness
All is black.

This is just a way for me to express my feelings in those moments. I'm sorry that I wrote in a time when I should have been meditating and writing in my journal. I'm sorry that I took what I was feeling in a moment of passion and threw it all over you. I hope that in time you can forgive and forget. You are not expendable and I shouldn't have written what I did.
Please know that I love you all, and I don't want to burn bridges. I got some very good insight and advice from all of your comments and it helped me to put my feelings and my actions into perspective, and I wish now that I could take it back. All I can do is hope that you will forgive my harshness.

The Birthday Boy

I never knew how lucky and privileged I was to live so close and be the granddaughter of such a sweet, intelligent, and loving man. I remember we would drive to grandpa's house when I was a little girl and we'd go out to grandpa's warehouse and help him out. I would go explore the isles that held nuts and bolts, nails and screws. To this day when I go to a hardware store I take in the ever so familiar aromas and become draped with nostalgia.

Visiting grandpa in his big magical Dundee house was like going home. I always felt comfortable, and although I had to do chores, I loved being there. He always had a story to tell, and I was always eager to hear it. He always danced a jig when he was happy, excited, or had just been sitting for too long. But Grandpa never really sat for to long. He was a hard working man, and to this day still is.

I guess when I was young I believed he and grandma would be here forever. They would live nearby me forever and never die. Life is not about living forever though. It is about living your life to the fullest with what little time you have. Using your time wisely to work and play so that when it is time to die you are ready and have nothing left you feel that your life is missing. Grandpa and Grandma have lived such a life. I still imagine in my mind that they will live forever, no matter what happens.

You never know what you have until you lose it. Grandpa and Grandma are still alive and kicking, healthy and able. What I'm losing is the ability to see them every day. What I took for granted is that they were here with open arms inviting us to visit them and spend time with them. What I'm losing is the option to do this while they are living out their last days.

When one door shuts another door opens. Although it is a loss and very sad for me and anyone else in my family who can't afford to travel, it means that others are gaining the advantage of being able to see their beloved Grandparents. They are moving to a location where they are going to be surrounded by family. They probably wont have a moments peace because of all the grandchildren and great grandchildren that will be visiting them almost every day.

My advice to you is don't forget what a gift it will be to have them near you. Don't pass up the chance to bond with them and share your love with them while they are still here. I only have a month and a half until I say good bye to them. I pray you have years and years of healthy grandparents before they are through with their journey on earth. Give them hugs and tell them you love them for me as often as you can.

Today is a day worth celebrating, 90 years old and still going strong. To a man who loves loves loves birthdays, Happy Happy Birthday to you, dear Grandpa. I love you so much.

My First Blog

At the request of my beloved cousins, I have finally started my own blog.

I haven't really done that much with it yet, I am just getting to know how to use it and modify it to my personality.

Beware when you read my blog, for inside my mind you may find cobwebs, disturbing images, and craziness. However, you may also find peace, love, and happiness.

Most importantly, I hope you find yourself reading my blog and enjoying it.